Chibi?
by chichirichick
Summary: Trowa self detonates and has these WEIRD chibi dreams... but hell, they give good advice! 1x33x1 what were you expecting?
1. Before you get into this...

Notes before the fan fiction:

Okay guys... lets get a few things straight about this fan fiction!

First of all, I do not own Gundam Wing or any of it's characters in anyway, though if I did, they'd be locked in my basement and NO ONE would know about it. Kapeesh?

Second of all, contrary to popular belief, I WAS NOT ON DRUGS WHILE WRITING THIS FAN FICTION. Yes, the chibi moments may get a little odd and obscure... but it's all coming from the reaches of my strange mind. It was certainly not drug induced.

Third... coffee ice cream is yummy.

Fourth, some of the chibi moments may be out of character ((OOC for those who don't know)). Give me a break, it was, once again, my weird mind kicking in.

Fifth, forgive the constant humor throughout the angst. I mean, I tried to keep it angst-y but found that I love stringing humor through it. Laugh AND cry. Isn't that what you've always wanted to do?

Sixth, just goddamn enjoy the fiction.

Thank you, you're beloved author buddy who's out of her mind completely, Tori.


	2. Self Detonation = Chibis!

"Trowa? Trowa?" The messages were garbled. Trowa could hardly hear anything anyway. His mind was dancing on the edge of consciousness. He reached out to his side, the blood dripping off of his shaking hand. The red button was right there. Just a little bit more of a reach and he would have it, he thought. He'd finally be able to self detonate.

A sigh of contentment escaped his lips as he felt his fingers surround the little button. Trowa held onto consciousness for one moment longer, slowly pressing in the red button. "Good bye." He could hardly say it, his lungs quickly attempting to fill back up with the air he lost with those meaningless words.

--

"Trowa! Wake up!" A cheery little voice said.

"Hm?" Trowa's eyes fluttered. What was going on? Where was he? He had hit the self destruct button! He should be dead! He looked down at his body... there wasn't a scratch on him. "Am I dead?"

"No, silly!"

Trowa looked over at the voice. Quatre? No... a tiny Quatre. A little boy? "Who are you?"

"Oh, Trowa," the little boy scolded him lightly, "It's Quatre!"

"What?" That was the last straw of confusion. That wasn't Quatre, it was a chibi! And why was he not dead? Had the crash never happened? "Where am I?"

"So many questions!" The chibi Quatre smiled. He stretched out his hand, poking at Trowa's forehead. "We're here!"

"In my head?"

"Yup!"

"Oh..." Trowa shook his head gently. This was the oddest dream ever. Maybe the crash had been a dream too? Wait! I must be in a coma. Great.

The little chibi stood up and started to walk off. Trowa stood up himself... finding himself shorter than before. What? He looked at himself. I'm chibi too! What is going on? Argh, I wish I would just die and get this over with... this is too weird. "Quatre?"

"Come on, Trowa! The other's are waiting!"

Trowa shrugged. What else was he going to do? I'm stuck in here, I might as well do something. He slowly followed the happy little chibi Quatre into another "room" and watched as he pounced on another little chibi boy. "Quatre!" the other chibi exclaimed.

"Look who I brought, Duo!"

"Oh, hi, Trowa." The little chibi Duo waved at him.

Trowa just nodded. Inside, he just felt utter confusion. What was going on? Why was everyone so chibi? And why... Well, where's Heero, Trowa thought.

Quatre suddenly looked sad. "Trowa, Heero won't come out!"

"Hm?"

"He's so sad, Trowa."

"Heero? Sad?" Trowa questioned. "He doesn't feel anything. It's not possible."

Quatre unattached himself from Duo and romped back over to Trowa. "See, that's what everyone thinks! But it's not true... he feels everything, even more than we do."

"Where is he?"

"In that room!" Quatre pointed to a black door... that had appeared out of no where. Trowa sighed. Was his mind really this weird?

"What am I supposed to do?"

"You have to tell him, Trowa!"

Trowa blinked. "Tell him what?"

"Tell him how you feel!"

Trowa blushed. He didn't want to do that! Not to Heero. Heero wouldn't understand. And it's not as if he really knew what he felt. "Quatre... I don't know."

"If you do, he'll come out!"

"What do you mean?"

"Trowa, if you tell him, he won't be sad anymore! He'll be just like the rest of us."

"Like the rest of us?"

"You two can be happy, and this will all end."

An end to the dream! Well, then Trowa was all for it. And it's not as if telling Heero in the dream would affect anything in real life, Trowa thought. He could stay the same... stay near Heero and not have him feel weird about them being near each other. Because, that's how it would be if Trowa ever told Heero how he felt about him.

Trowa walked over to the door, gently knocking on it. What was the point to knocking? Trowa slowly walked in, Quatre slinking along behind him. He really was a child, Trowa thought to himself. "Heero?" Trowa saw a dark little figure hiding in the corner. "Is that you, Heero?"

"Leave me alone." The little figure murmured. It sounded like a little Heero, Trowa thought.

"Heero, I need to talk to you." Trowa walked over to the little figure, sitting in front of him. Chibi Quatre had stayed at the door, peaking at the two.

"Hn."

It definitely was Heero now. Trowa reached out and touched the little Heero's face. He'd always wanted to do that... but never got up the nerve. But it's all a dream now, no one will know. "Heero, won't you come out?"

The little Heero stuttered. "No..."

"Please, Heero?" Trowa's finger's glided along his cheek. "Heero, I..." Trowa stopped. I can admit it, can't I? It won't matter, he won't really know. "I love you."

A drop of liquid fell upon Trowa's fingers. It was warm. Heero... was crying? He was a little boy now, after all, so he deserved to cry. But Heero?

"Trowa!" The little chibi Heero threw his arms around Trowa. Trowa smiled. He'd hoped this was how it would turn out... but only in my dreams, he thought.

Trowa stood up and took the chibi Heero out of the room, who was still clutching tightly to him. "Trowa, thank you," he whispered gently to Trowa.

--

"Trowa?"

"Hm?" Trowa's eyelids fluttered again. He groaned. It felt like he had been hit by about twenty freight trains. The pain throbbed all over his body.

"You're alright!"

It look Trowa a lot of strength to just move his head and look at who was there. "Quatre?" He murmured. He would think it was still the dream if not for the pain.

"Yes, Trowa, it's me. I'm so glad you're alright."

"I'm not." Trowa grumbled. Heero had been right, death did hurt like hell.

There was some noise in the hallway. Trowa didn't bother using the energy to look. "Duo! Heero! Look, Trowa's awake!"

Heero? Heero was there? Trowa turned to look slowly. Duo bounded in, smiling happily. "Hey, Trowa! Glad to see you out of that coma of your's."

Heero and Trowa locked gazes. Heero just stood in the hallway, not moving. He swiftly exited, breaking his eyes from Trowa... but not before Trowa had seen something. He seemed... uneasy. Why?

"How long have I been asleep?" Trowa muttered.

"You've been out for about a month now, Trowa. We were really started to get worried that you'd never wake up again. But a week or so ago you started to move, and talk in your sleep, so we guessed that you were slowly coming out of it." Quatre smiled happily. He was so glad that the heavy arms pilot was now safe and sound.

"You must have had some weird dreams while you were out." Duo commented, laughing.

"You wouldn't believe..." Trowa sighed. Then the thought hit him. He'd been talking in his sleep? "What did I say?"

"Hm?" Quatre looked confused.

"What did I say while I was asleep?"

Quatre and Duo shrugged. "Heero was watching you most of the time. He asked me to watch you once you started talking... but I don't remember it being anything other than garbled words. Heero seemed a little disturbed though." Quatre looked deep in thought. "You did say 'chibi' a lot though."

Trowa laughed inaudibly. Of course I'd be saying chibi, with all those weird chibi kids in that dream. "Heero was watching me?"

"He insisted that he'd take care of you. I think he felt fairly responsible, but we could never get him to admit that, you know." Quatre commented quietly, seeing the smile on Trowa's face.

Heero... responsible for that? Nope. I self destructed myself, he thought to himself. But Heero cared enough to "insist" on taking care of me. No, he was just making up for his guilt. He doesn't really care, Trowa sighed. Trowa sat up rather slowly, the pain retching through his body.

"Trowa, you shouldn't!" Quatre tried to gently pressure him back down.

Trowa hit away his hand. "No." He finally got himself up and relaxed against the backboard. That wasn't so bad, he thought. Only felt like some one was stabbing me multiply times all over my body, he scoffed at himself. I'll get over this quicker than they want me to, just like Heero would, just like I usually do. Just like we soldiers do.

Trowa sat there and talked to Quatre and Duo for a while longer, until Quatre finally begged him to go to sleep. Quatre pushed Trowa back down on the bed, still reprimanding him for sitting up. Trowa shut his eyes slowly, feeling the fatigue rush over him. "We'll see you tomorrow." Quatre took Duo's hand and they walked out the door.

A sigh escaped Trowa's lips. Duo and Quatre had found something in one another... but he and Heero would never, he thought. It just wasn't how they were. "Even if I admitted anything to him, he'd never feel the same way," Trowa muttered to himself. He jumped slightly as he heard the door open a little. Trowa looked through the darkness in the room, trying to see who was in the doorway now. It was probably just Quatre making sure he was asleep.

"Trowa?" It was Heero's voice.

Trowa didn't reply, a little shocked at the fact that Heero had come into the room, after he was supposed to be asleep. Heero opened the door more, letting the light from the hallway flood into the room. Trowa had already closed his eyes, appearing to be asleep. Trowa could feel the light disappear, the door being closed again. Apparently, Heero had left.

No. Heero was there... Trowa could hear his footsteps moving to the bed. Trowa's heart was pounding in his chest. He was now strangely nervous... Heero, in a dark room, alone with him. He shuddered, pushing back some of the day dreams he had had before.

Heero walked over to the bed and turned on one of the lights cautiously. He looked at Trowa's face, seeing that he was asleep, or so he thought. Trowa could feel Heero's fingers move along his bandages, checking each one. He felt him touch one of the wounds on his arm, making him twitch in pain. Heero slowly moved out Trowa's arm, rewrapping the one bandage that had caused Trowa pain.

"Still bleeding..." Trowa heard Heero murmur. Was he? Trowa had no idea, but Heero had seemed to take care of it.

Heero continued checking his bandages. Trowa could feel his hand go to the waist band of his pants. Trowa was dreading that touch, and found the sensations almost too much to bear. He couldn't stop the small groan that escaped from his lips at Heero's soft touch. Heero stopped for a moment, his hand staying there. Trowa internally begged him to stop teasing, to take his hand away at least. He had no idea what Heero was doing... he couldn't open his eyes to look!

Suddenly, Trowa felt warmth against his own lips. Heero was... kissing him? Trowa opened his eyes slightly, trying to see. There was the perfect soldier, his lips pressed so perfectly against his. Trowa wanted to grab him... but he suppressed every urge that came from his body. Heero pulled away quickly, surprised at what he was doing. He grabbed back his hand from the edge of Trowa's pants and sighed. Trowa could hear him get up and walk out of the room, almost slamming the door as he left.

He kissed me... Trowa thought.


	3. Trip to the Hospital!

--

Trowa awoke once again in his dream world. He sighed. "Chibi, again." He had thought it might be over after he had gotten out of the coma, but no, he was still stuck in this.

But instead of Quatre and Duo there, only Heero stood there in front of him. "Trowa, did you mean what you said?"

"You mean, when I said I loved you?" Trowa almost blushed at the idea.

Heero just nodded.

"I meant it, or I wouldn't have said it."

"You need to show me, Trowa."

"What?"

"I'll deny every thing that I feel... until I know."

"I don't understand..." Trowa said gently.

"I'll just shut you off, Trowa."

"But I love you... don't push me away..." Trowa almost didn't know what he was saying. He didn't know what he was doing either. He found himself standing up, next to Heero, kissing the chibi boy gently. He felt as if he was a pedophile.

Trowa awoke quickly, not finishing the dream. He had heard some kind of loud bang. The clock was blinking red through the darkness, showing that only about five minutes had passed. He sighed and got out of bed slowly, letting the pain run through him. He didn't care if there was this much pain, he wanted out already.

The hallway was full of light, and it took Trowa's eyes a little to adjust. Trowa took a breath, hoping that Duo and Quatre would not be prowling the halls to make sure he was tucked away in bed. He walked in the direction of the loud noise, simply curious as to why there had been one. He wasn't surprised when he found it had come from Heero's room... but he wanted to know what had happened. He knocked.

"Hn."

That was Heero's reply, as if it took too much to say enter. Trowa took it as an okay, and pushed the door open gently, painfully walking through the door. Heero, as usual, ignored the visitor and continued to click away at his laptop. Trowa watched as he did this... but realized he was typing with only one hand. Then he saw it, Heero's bloody fist sitting idle on the top of his desk, the blood dripping onto the counter.

Trowa scanned the room, seeing the hole in the wall right next to Heero's desk. He must have punched his fist through the wall. Trowa sighed. Still looking around the room, Trowa saw the bandages that Heero had used to wrap him up on his night stand. Trowa walked over, picking up the bandages. The pain was starting to make him dizzy, but he didn't care.

Heero had still yet to turn around and look at the person. Taking the bandages, Trowa walked over to the desk, gently taking Heero's fist. He wiped away the dripping blood first, and then began to bandage it slowly. 

"Trowa?" Trowa looked at him, finding Heero's mouth gaped open slightly. Trowa didn't reply, but continued to wrap up his hand. "What are you doing?"

"You can't just let this bleed." He replied gently.

"What are you doing out of bed?"

"I'm not allowed to walk around?"

"You're not well."

"I don't care."

"I..." Heero stopped looking away. Trowa finished up bandaging his hand, cleaning up the access blood that had fallen onto the desk.

"You really shouldn't punch holes in the walls."

"...Hn..." Heero stuttered, still finding it difficult to find his words.

"Why did you do that?"

Heero looked back at him, looking him directly in the eyes. "Frustrated."

"Can I ask why?" Trowa felt a little uncomfortable in Heero's gaze and slowly let go of Heero's hand, which he had still been holding.

"I'm just an idiot." He muttered.

Trowa suppressed what felt like a laugh. "Why do you say that?"

Heero stayed silent for a while longer. "It's none of your business."

"Is is because you kissed me?" Trowa was shocked, to say the least, that he had pointed that out.

Not only was Trowa shocked, but so was Heero. Trowa could see his eyes widen. "Hn."

Well, might as well finish what I've started, Trowa thought. I'll get this all over with, find out it was a mistake, and go on with my life. It's not as if this wound will hurt more than the ones I already have. "I was awake, Heero."

Heero looked down at the floor. Christ. "I am an idiot," he whispered.

"No." Trowa had tried to hold out, but the dizziness was a little too much. He stumbled and hit the wall, letting out a yelp of pain. Of course, just my luck, he though, I hit the wall right into the wound that's still bleeding.

"Trowa!" Heero got out of his seat quickly, supporting the suffering pilot. "I told you that you shouldn't be up right now." Trowa laughed lightly. Heero was scolding him. Great.

"I just wanted to see you..." Trowa coughed, tasting an iron-like taste in his mouth. Blood? Even better. Now I'm spitting up blood.

"Come on." Heero pulled him over to his bed, lying him down. Trowa coughed again, the blood creeping out onto his lip. "Damnit, you coughing up blood." You think? Trowa thought sarcastically. Heero grabbed the bandaging clothe and ripped off a piece, dabbing Trowa's lips.

"Stop it, I'm fine," Trowa muttered, hitting his hand away. I don't want him to help, Trowa thought. Just let the blood drown my lungs... that's what I wanted after all, wasn't it? Death.

"You stop it. You're going to kill yourself." Heero forced Trowa's hand down on the bed, pinning him. He continued to clear the blood away.

Trowa was shocked... he had actually held him down? Just to get him to stop? "As if you even care." Trowa coughed again, sending blood onto the already completely stained bandage.

Heero stared at him for a moment. He wouldn't say anything.

"You don't." Trowa stated blandly, turning his head over to the side. He had been right. It was a good thing that he had kept his feelings inside... they never would have been returned. Trowa still had an urge to tell him though, just to show him. "Maybe you should get Quatre," he wheezed, knowing the liquid was going into his lungs.

Heero didn't say a word, just slowly let go of his hand. He walked out of the room silently. A few moments passed and Quatre came rushing in. "Trowa! I told you not to get up!"

"I don't care," Trowa coughed.

"And you have perfect timing, Trowa. Sally left today! Jesus," Duo was there, his hands on his hips. "We'll actually have to take you to a hospital."

"Just let me die, then."

"No. Let's get him into the car," Quatre sighed. "Hurry, please."

"I'll carry him." Heero said silently. It was hardly an offer, more like an assertion of rank.

"Fine." Duo said, opening the door for the two of them.

Heero slipped his arms under the heavy arms pilot. He was bigger than Heero, but Heero was very well built. Heero heaved him off the bed and into his arms, steadying himself quickly. Trowa didn't say a word. Shutting his eyes, he leaned his head again Heero's shoulder. "I don't want to go," Trowa muttered.

"You're going." Heero replied solemnly. He walked out the door, making sure to avoid hitting Trowa into the frame. Duo continued to lead the way out to the car, opening all the doors for Heero and Trowa. Duo slipped into the drivers seat. Heero had placed Trowa in the backseat, going to the opposite door and slipping in with him. Quatre took shotgun.

Trowa started coughing. He was leaning against the door, away from Heero. "I feel like hell," he gasped in between coughs.

"You shouldn't self detonate." Heero murmured, staring at him.

"You're such a hypocrite." He started feeling dizzy again. The pain was filling his chest... why won't I just die?

"Trowa?" Heero put his hand on Trowa's shoulder, shaking him ever so lightly. "Trowa?"

"Heero..." Trowa couldn't hold on... I can't breath... Everything's going black.

"Trowa!" Heero caught him as he slid over in the seat. He checked his pulse. "Duo, you need to hurry. He's out cold, and his pulse is weak."

"Damnit," Duo muttered from the drivers seat. "Five minutes."

"Okay." Heero looked down at Trowa. It was as if he was sleeping... like when he had kissed him. A light, peaceful sleep. Heero sighed. "I am an idiot," he murmured.

The car came to a quick stop, startling Heero out of his thoughts. None of them spoke a word. Heero pulled Trowa out of the car gently, hoisting him back into his arms. "You're going to be fine, Trowa," he whispered, knowing no one would hear him at this point.

--

All three of them stood in the waiting room. "Why the hell can't we?" Duo was the only one willing to yell at the doctor.

"I'm sorry, only immediate family can come in and see him." The doctor was appearing fairly nervous as the braided boy continued to scream at him.

"Look, buddy, we're all he's got. Now let us the hell in, or I'll punch your face in!"

"Duo! Stop it," Quatre pulled on his arm gently, frowning at him. "This isn't going to help."

Duo looked at him and sighed. "Fine." He turned back to the doctor, "Sorry."

Heero stood up and pulled the doctor to the side. "Let me see him."

"Sir, I just explained this to your friend. You really can't see him unless you're family, and from what your friend says, he doesn't have any."

"I said, let me see him." Heero was starting to get angry.

"Didn't you hear me?"

"I heard you just fine," Heero was growling, "And I said let me see him."

"You have to be family to do that!"

Heero thought for a moment. He couldn't make the excuse he was family... Duo had already messed that up. The only thing left was complete embarrassment. He pulled the doctor closer. If Duo heard this... Heero would never hear the end of it. "I'm..." Heero took a breath. He had a feeling he was going to regret doing this later. "I'm his boyfriend." Argh.

"Oh, well... um... I guess it's alright then." The doctor nodded and led Heero out of the waiting room and down one of the hallways.

"Hey! How did Heero get in?" Duo sat down next to Quatre, rather frustrated.

Quatre grinned. "Heero has his ways." Surprisingly enough, Quatre had heard what Heero had said. It was slightly... well, confusing to him. Had the two been keeping it quite? Or had that just been one of Heero's well thought excuses? Either way, he wouldn't press it. All he could think was the perfect soldier had finally found his weakness...


	4. Duo call some one else a baka?

--

Trowa sighed. Another fucking dream. When was this going to end? Couldn't he just die already? And chibi again...

This time it was the little chibi Duo standing there. He walked over to Trowa. "Baka!" He said, giving Trowa a bop on the head.

"What?" Trowa was a little surprised by the baka comment, and the hit! I mean, Duo calling some one else a baka? That normally doesn't happen. It's usually the other way around...

"Have you been listening to a word any of us have been saying?"

"Yes."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What have you been doing?" Duo huffed. "You've only been tearing Heero apart!"

"What?"

"Oh, playing stupid, huh, Mr. You-don't-care-Heero? How many times have we told you that he just can't admit things to you? You have to make the first move!"

"I don't care..." Trowa sighed. He won't admit things because there's nothing to admit. "I just want to die, that's all."

"Yeah, sure! Do you know what that would do to Heero, if you just died like that?"

"He'd be annoyed since he would have to bother dressing in something other than his spandex to go to my funeral."

Chibi Duo suppressed a laugh. "That's not funny."

"I didn't mean it to be funny."

"Okay, but, Trowa, come on! Get with the program! You have to tell him."

"Why me?"

Chibi Duo made a sigh of frustration. "Look, Trowa, do you really love him?"

Trowa sighed. Did he? After all they'd been through... especially after Heero's self detonation... there wasn't a doubt in his mind. "I do."

"Then it won't be that hard. Just say it."

--

Heero pushed through the doors of room. It was bright... and unusually white. He hated hospitals. He'd hate them even more after this. Trowa was right there, tubes seemed to stick out of everywhere. "Trowa..."

Trowa's eyes fluttered. Argh. He felt fifty times worse than before... but there wasn't much he could do about it. Suddenly his eyes caught the young Japanese pilot across the room. Heero? He tried to say it, but the tubes were stuck in his throat. Damnit! There goes my chance to admit anything.

He just stared at him. Heero didn't like his stares... but it wasn't as if either of them was going to say anything. He wanted to... but nothing he really wanted to say would come out. And it's not as if Trowa would reply, having those tubes stuck so far into his throat. As if he would reply to begin with, Heero thought. Anything he would say would be rejected, easily.

Trowa tried to sigh, but no luck. He started to cough again, pressing air into the tubes. Shock hit Heero. Is he okay? "Trowa..." Trowa shook his head back and forth. I'm alright, Heero, don't worry. As if you would worry, anyway. Heero took a few steps closer, now standing at the side of Trowa's bed.

He stared him, looking at how utterly speechless Heero seemed to be. His mouth was slightly open, and his eyes were wide, almost with a little bit of fear. Trowa smiled slowly through the tubing. Heero looked at him, seeing the small grin creep around the tubes. He almost wanted to.. to reach out and touch him, but he wouldn't.

The doctor came through the door slowly. "I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave him for now. He needs to get prepped for the operation."

"Operation?" Heero asked quietly, shocked.

"I'll explain the procedure if you'll just step outside, sir."

Heero turned around slowly, following after the doctor. Trowa reached out his hand, wanting to grasp onto Heero. He was too far away though, and already out into the hallway talking to the doctor. Trowa watched the dismay spread across Heero's faces as the doctor talked. He nodded quietly, listening painfully to each word.

"It'll be a hard recovery, if there is any at all."

"What?"

"Mr. Yuy, what I'm trying to say, is that your boyfriend," Heero grinned inwardly and as the doctor glanced at his chart, "Mr. Barton has a small chance of pulling through."

"You're joking..." Heero clenched his jaw. He was used to Duo joking about some one's death like this... but he wasn't sure that the doctor was supposed to do that.

"I'm sorry. I wish I was."

"Christ." Heero walked back down the hallway in a complete daze. If he had let them take Trowa earlier... if he hadn't been so goddamn stubborn... maybe this would never have happened. He slammed through the doors, sending one of them slightly off it's hinge. "Damnit."

"Heero? What happened?" Quatre shot up quickly, rushing over to the wing pilot. "What happened to Trowa?"

"I..." Heero muttered. I don't want to say it.

"Heero?" Quatre pleaded with his eyes.

Heero pushed past him, walking for the door. He had to get out, he had to leave. If Trowa was going to die here he didn't want to be here!

"Hold it!" He felt Duo's hard grasp on his arm, tugging him back. He winced as Duo threw him against the wall, pressing him hard against it, his arm right at Heero's throat. "Now, Heero, you're going to tell me or I'm going to rip your head right off your shoulders, do you here me?"

Quatre latched onto Duo's arm, trying to pull him back. "Stop it, Duo, come on. This isn't the way to get him to talk!"

"No, I'll fucking do it whatever way I like right now, Quatre. I'm tired of his quiet bullshit. We need to know, and he needs to tell."

"You really want to know?" Heero reached his arm around, breaking out of Duo's hold. He pulled back his hand, thrusting his balled fist into Duo's face. "You really want to know what's going on, Duo? Do you?" Duo fell to the ground, and Heero followed him, straddling him. "Is that what you really want, Duo?" Heero punched him again, leaving a red mark on Duo's face. "Do you?" He actually raised his voice, shocking both other pilots.

"Heero... I..." Duo mumbled, not sure of what to say.

"Well guess what, Duo!" Heero started to shake, not noticing the tears forming in his eyes. "He's probably not going to live. He's probably just going to die in there and there's nothing we can do about it." A couple tears had started to stream down Heero's face. "Is that what you wanted to hear, Duo? Is it?"

"No... Heero..." Duo laid back, ignoring the pain that was throbbing in his head. He just stared at Heero... who was actually crying. It made no sense...

"What the fuck am I doing?" Heero murmured, clearing the tears from his face. Quatre tried to help him up, but he shook him off. "Leave me the hell alone." Heero stood up, leaving Duo on the floor. "All of you just leave me the hell alone!" He turned around quickly and ran through the doors, out into the street and away from the hospital. That was where he need to be, away from the hospital.

Heero ran through the streets, avoiding the yells of the people he accidentally hit into. He slowly stopped running, not because he was completely tired, but because he just felt as if he couldn't breath to begin with. His hand was beginning to throb. In a way, he did regret taking all his anger out on Duo. First it was the wall, now Duo. His previously wrapped hand was soaked again with blood. He sighed... this time Trowa wouldn't be here to rewrap it.

And Trowa would never be here again. He was going to die in that stupid hospital because I wouldn't let them take him earlier. Because I insisted on taking care of him myself... thinking I could actually save him. I felt guilty for his self detonation to begin with... and now I'm responsible for his death. Heero could hear Quatre's voice in his head, "But Trowa isn't dead yet." He wasn't... but the doctor said he probably would be soon. And then it'll be all my fault.

"Duo, are you okay?" Quatre was sitting there on the floor next to Duo.

"I wouldn't say okay." Duo let out a sigh, babying his cheek and eye.

"I'll go get you some ice." Quatre wondered off, going to find a nurse.

Duo continued to stay on the floor, biting his lip. "What happened to Heero? He went postal... I've never seen him like that. All over Trowa, too. I mean, we're all upset over it, but he can't just take it out on everyone. That boy needs a goddamn therapist." Duo growled... but he suddenly felt sorry instead.

"Here, Duo, but this on it." Quatre handed him the ice, cuddling closely to him on the floor.

"Thanks," Duo sighed.

"Don't be too upset over it, Duo. Heero will be okay."

"I hope you're right."

--

"Okay, now, Trowa, count back from 100." The nurse was hovering over him.

"100, 99, 98, 9..." Trowa started to feel pleasantly dizzy this time. He let it all wash over him and he closed his eyes. An operation wasn't what he really wanted... but it's not as if he could say no.

"He's out, doctor."

"Well, lets begin. We're going to have to separate his ribs for this one... did you make sure to have the spreader?"

Spreader... Trowa heard random things. He didn't know... what am I supposed to do? I'm so sleepy... Everything went black and he once again he found himself in that white room. He sat there, awaiting the arrival of his chibi comrades.

"Doctor, something's wrong."

"Damn. I thought this might happen. Get me more suction! I can hardly see through the blood!"

"There's too much."

"Hurry up!"

The infamous buzz came from the side of the room. "He's flat-line!"

"Come on! Get me that suction!"

Chibi Duo appeared again, alone. "Are you happy now, Trowa?"

"What? What's happening?"

"You're dying, Trowa. If you're not already dead that is."

"I'm... dead?"

"And you never said a thing."

"I tried! I would have if... but I just couldn't... I tried..."

"Admit it, Trowa, you didn't do anything."

"But I tried!"

"All along you just wanted to die! All you cared about was your death. And now you are."

"No! That's not what I wanted!"

"What? Didn't you just keep saying 'I don't care' and that 'All I want to do is die'?"

"I did but I didn't mean for this to happen!"

"Now you've not only destroyed yourself, but Heero too."

"I don't want to die, Duo."

"Oh really? And what makes you think that it could be changed now?"

Trowa smirked for once in his life. "You wouldn't be here badgering me about my mistakes if all this couldn't be changed now."

Duo grinned. "You know me too well."

"Apparently the chibi you is just the same as the real you."

"Yeah, but I'm a hell of a lot cuter."


	5. Heero sees his mistake

--

The doctor was surprised to find only two of the original three boys, now sitting on the floor, the blond one holding the braided boy, comforting him. "Excuse me, are you two here for Trowa Barton?"

"Yes!" Quatre quickly jumped up, neglecting Duo for a few moments.

"What happened?" Duo asked calmly, standing up.

"We were scared for a while... he didn't look good at all, and right now, he's not too promising either. Except, he has made it through the worst part, so he should begin recovery."

"Really?" Quatre smiled brightly, ignoring the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes.

"That's great. Thanks, doc." Duo held onto Quatre as he bounced up and down happily. "Now if only Heero were here for this."

"He's probably just at home." Quatre looked back at the doctor. "Can we see him soon?"

The doctor sighed. "I wouldn't suggest it. You may just want to go home and get some rest. We'll call you if anything goes wrong."

"Thank you."

"How about home then?" Duo smiled, holding open the door for Quatre.

"Shouldn't we find Heero first?"

"What? And search the whole town, the whole night, for him? If he really wants to be found, he'll come home. But I don't think he really wants anyone to see him just yet."

"Damnit!" Heero pounded his already bloody fist into the brick wall of the building. "He's probably dead... and I won't, I can't go back..."

"Who's dead?" It was a familiar voice, one that Heero didn't feel like hearing right now. He didn't want to hear anyone's voice at all. He wanted to only hear Trowa's.

"No one. Leave me alone."

"I don't think standing in an alley punching your fist into a wall will do any good." A second familiar voice. Damn, was there a reunion around the corner or something?

"I said, leave me alone."

"Fine, if that's what you want."

"Zechs, please, can't you see he needs some one?"

"I'm not going to be his father and cuddle him or anything. If he needs help, he should ask."

"We all know he can't do that. Let's take him home." She made him sound like a stray dog!

"Noin! We're not going to do that."

"Will you two stop fighting over where I'm going," Heero growled. "I'm staying here. I'm going to make sure this is the last day I see."

Noin glared at Zechs. "If that's not a cry for help, I don't know what one is..."

"Alright! Fine." Zechs moved over to the aching wing pilot. "Lets go. Don't fight, Heero, just come on." Zechs grabbed his upper arm, attempting to lead him along.

"I'm not going anywhere." Heero threw another punch, but Zechs intercepted it, putting a much unwanted pressure on Heero's already throbbing fist. Heero yelped in pain as Zechs put more pressure on it. Zechs quickly pulled back, hitting Heero strongly in the jaw. He, of course, knocked him out cold.

"Well, I wouldn't have suggest that. But those are your methods, Zechs."

"As if you would have done much different," Zechs said gruffly as he hoisted the smaller boy over his shoulder. "Now, you know how suspicious I'm going to look with him over my shoulder, don't you?"

"Uh huh," Noin said rather cheerfully. "But it's not long until we're home, so don't worry about it." Noin grabbed onto his other arm and they walked down the street, receiving rather odd looks.

"You owe me for this one, Noin."

"Oh, I know, Zechs," she smiled as they continued to walk down the street. Noin ran off ahead slightly, climbing a couple stairs and taking out a key. "Home sweet home," she laughed lightly, making Zechs smile to himself. Noin unlocked the door and walked in, holding it open for Zechs and then pilot.

"Who do you suppose he was talking about when he said some one was dead?"

"I... don't know. I would think the only one reckless enough would be him," she grinned and helped Zechs put him down on a dark blue couch in the first room. "I'll go get something to dress his hand. Though, we should probably get it looked at by a doctor..." Noin walked out of the room.

"But Heero won't have that, Noin. Just dress it, and he'll take care of the rest later." Zechs looked down at the sleeping pilot... no, he was a boy now, that's all. "Maybe we should call them..."

"Are you suggesting actually asking them, Zechs?" Noin said rather sarcastically.

Zechs cracked a smile. "Yes."

"Fine, I'll call, you fix his hand." Noin walked back, throwing some dressings at Zechs. She continued to walk over to the phone in the hallway and picked up the receiver, having the number on speed dial because of their constant need to be checking up on those pilots. Zechs began to unwrap the old bandage on Heero's hand, noticing how well it was done... some one else had wrapped it for him the first time. A lot of things weren't making sense.

Noin dialed the number, waiting for it to pick up. On the last ring, she could hear it pick up. "Hello?" a tired voice said.

"Hi, Noin here. Quatre?"

"Yes, hello, Noin. Nice of you to call." Quatre and Duo had gone to bed as soon as they had gotten home, wanted to drown out the day's happenings. Quatre sat up, getting a worried glance from Duo.

"Is it the hospital?"

Quatre shook his head. "It's Noin."

"Oh, is Duo there too?" Noin asked.

"Yes, he is. Would you like to speak to him?"

"I think it'd be better if I did, Quatre. No offense," Noin laughed softly.

"Of course," Quatre smiled and handed the phone to Duo. "She wants to speak to you."

"Okay." Duo took the receiver and put it next to his ear. "Hi, Noin."

"Duo, we found Heero."

"Jesus! Is he okay?"

Quatre looked at Duo. "What's wrong?"

Duo waved his hand at Quatre for a moment, silently motioning that he'd tell him later.

"His hand it pretty badly injured, no thanks to Zech," she laughed again, "But other than that he's just exhausted. He's a little knocked out at the moment."

"Thank god..." Duo sighed. "If you want, I'll come by and pick him up."

"No, that's alright. He can stay here for a while, if he needs to." Noin's lightheartedness left her voice for a moment. "Duo, what's happened?"

"Trowa... tried to self detonate. We were taking care of him at home on Heero's orders and once he finally woke up, he didn't take it easy. He's in the hospital now, he almost didn't pull through. Heero's feeling a little guilty. Quatre says there's more to it, but he won't tell me."

"He's not dead?"

"No, though I think Heero believes he is."

"I certainly think he does." Noin sighed. "I'll talk to him once he wakes up."

"Thanks, Noin. I'm glad you guys were the ones who found him."

"Don't you two worry, we'll take care of him for now. You guys get some rest, and tell us if there's anything you need."

"Thanks again."

"Take care."

"Bye."

Noin hung up the phone, looking over at Zechs. He had just finished wrapping up Heero's hand and was throwing the old bandages away. "Well?" he asked.

"Trowa got hurt and Heero's blaming himself." Noin smiled. "Quatre thinks there's more to it than that, but I don't think either of them are willing to admit that."

"But what was it about him being dead?"

"Trowa hardly pulled through at the hospital. Heero thinks he's really dead now. He's fine though, recovering I believe."

"Good." Zechs walked up behind Noin, wrapping his arms around her. "So what are we going to do now?"

"He needs sleep... and we should get some too." Noin smiled, staring at the boy for a few moments longer. "He just needs rest."

--

"Glad you're awake." Noin was sitting on the small coffee table next to the couch where Heero was laying. She'd finally saw his eyelids flutter, regaining consciousness. 

"Where am I?"

"This is where Zechs and I live. We brought you home after last night."

Heero noticed the white walls first... they almost reminded him of the hospital. The room was plainly colored, not really bright at all, which Heero didn't mind. "I'd like to go."

"Not until I talk to you about last night first."

"Hn." Heero sat up and glared at her.

"I've already talked to Quatre and Duo."

His heart sank. So she knows about what he didn't Trowa... they're probably planning a goddamn funeral already. I'm not going, he resolved. "Hn."

Noin grabbed his arm, pulling his attention back to her. "Look, Heero, you need to know what happened after you ran off last night..."

"I know what happened. Trowa's dead." Heero stared at her blankly, but inside it was more than blank. Just saying that caused another rip in what Heero had left of a heart.

"Heero, he's not dead. He pulled through."

"What?" Heero's eyes widened. Was she joking him? He didn't understand... how could he be alive? They said he probably wouldn't live... how could he?

"Trowa's alive. He's at the hospital as we speak."

"Hn." Heero seemed unemotional about it on the outside... but it felt like he was screaming on the inside. Trowa's alive... he's breathing... he's there. "I need to go."

"I don't suggest it," Noin said, one of those worried mother looks on her face. "You should stay, rest some more, eat something at least."

"I don't want to."

"But that doesn't mean that you're not going to," she said forcefully.

"Hn." He laid back down on the couch, curling up into a ball. "I'll sleep."

"Good," Noin smiled. "I'll make sure Zechs doesn't wake you up." He glared at her as she left the room, off into the kitchen to find Zechs. Heero shut his eyes slowly, thinking about Trowa.


	6. Taking Action!

--

"We should really go and get him," Quatre said, a worried look on his face as usual.

"Noin says he'll be fine to stay there, Quatre." Duo kissed the blond boy's cheek. "Don't worry about him. They'll take good care of him."

"But what if he wants to go see Trowa?"

"Then let him. He's the only one of us who can seem to talk their way in anyway," Duo frowned, remembering the night in the hospital. "How did he do that anyway?"

"Oh, I don't know," Quatre grinned. That had been the only good part of the night.

"You do to! And you're not telling me!" Duo put on a cute pouting act, crossing his arms.

"If I told you, you'd never let Heero live it down," he smiled, "I don't want to give you the upper hand against Heero."

"You're so cruel," Duo sniffled.

"Only sometimes," he kissed the pouting God of Death on the nose and grinned. The phone rang, startling the two of them. 

Duo walked over to the phone, picking it up. "Hello?"

"This is the hospital calling regarding Trowa Barton..."

"Yes? What's going on? Is he okay?"

Quatre became worried again. "Heero?"

"No, Trowa." Duo tried to listen carefully.

"Mr. Barton is getting rambunctious and says he won't calm down until we let you see him. We're afraid he's going to get himself hurt again. Would you mind coming down?"

Duo laughed and Quatre shot him a surprised look. "Of course not. We'll be down as soon as possible. Just tell him to take it easy and that we're coming."

"What's going on?" Duo hung up the phone, smiling at Quatre's question.

"Apparently, we have to go visit Mr. Barton."

"Um... okay?" Quatre blinked, confused.

"They said he's getting a little out of control today, and they need us to come and calm him down."

"Crap! Why does Trowa always have to be like this?"

Duo smiled and wrapped his arm around the shoulder of the little pilot. "Come on, don't worry, we'll go and see him and calm him down."

"Alright..." Quatre allowed himself to be coaxed into the car and then driven to the hospital. They stopped at the desk and found out Trowa's room, and proceeded to walk there. They looked in the door to see Trowa strapped to the bed, his tubes laying in an array next to him. He was wheezing a little, but doing it steadily rather than the sporadic wheezing of before.

"Trowa!" Duo smiled and waved at him again.

"Shouldn't you have those tubes down your throat? How are you supposed to breath?" Quatre became immediately worried again, but Duo quickly hushed him, holding his hand gently over his mouth.

"Do you think you could undo these?" Trowa motioned towards the restraints.

"Looks like they were serious when they said you were being rambunctious." Duo slowly walked over and undid the restraints, watching as Trowa sat up quickly, rubbing his wrists.

Quatre sat down in the chair, almost pouting. "You really shouldn't be up so quickly. You did just get out of surgery yesterday..."

Trowa smiled and touched Quatre's head gently. "I know, I know."

Quatre looked surprised at him, confused at why he seemed so... loving. "Are you feeling alright?"

"As well as I should be," Trowa muttered. He could still feel the pain splitting along his chest where they had opened him up yesterday, but once again he ignored the pain.

"Well, just take it easy this time, okay? We don't need a repeat of what happened yesterday."

Trowa stared at Duo for a moment. "Where'd you get the black eye?"

Duo blinked, a little shocked. "Oh!" He had forgotten about the beautiful black eye he had developed from Heero's abuse yesterday. "...No where..."

"Hm..." Trowa stared at him for a moment, but decided not to press it. There's only two of them. Heero decided not to come back? "Is Heero at home?"

Duo looked away from him. "No."

"Then where?"

Duo frowned. "Maybe we shouldn't talk about this right now."

"No. I want to know. What the hell is going on?"

Quatre grabbed onto Duo's hand, stopping him from speaking. "Trowa, the doctors last night told Heero that you probably weren't going to make it..."

"I almost didn't."

"We know... but Heero didn't until this morning. He ran off after they told him and we had no idea where he was. Apparently, Noin and Zechs picked him up off the streets before he could do real damage to himself."

"You're kidding..." Trowa looked down at his sheets and grinned. They have to be joking with him. Heero wouldn't do that. Heero doesn't have breakdowns.

"He was really angry, really upset. Noin said that all that he really got hurt was his hand... but we're not sure how much emotional damage he's put himself through."

"I..." Trowa sighed. "Where is he now?"

"With Noin and Zechs, I would hope."

"I want to go."

"But you can't! Are you insane? You'd get yourself hurt so much worse if you did that!" Duo finally piped up, tired of being quiet.

"Trowa, you have to stay..." Quatre tilted his head a little and made a grim smile. "We're all worried about him, too, but you just can't risk yourself a second time for that."

"Fine." Trowa looked away, staring out the window for a little. "I won't get myself hurt again."

--

"Noin?" Heero walked around the bottom level of the house, looking for her. He heard a TV in one of the rooms, following the sound. "Noin?"

"Yes?" Noin sat curled up on a small brown couch, a magazine in her lap and the TV on. "How are you feeling, Heero?"

"Fine." Heero kept the same glare, not even attempting to smile. "Can I go?"

Noin grinned and laughed. "You're really ready to get out of here, aren't you? You know, to me it doesn't seem like such a prison."

"That's not what I meant..."

"I know, Heero. Well, I can't force you to stay... I'd like to see you get a little more rest. You really ran yourself rugged emotionally... but I suppose if you really want to go, Heero, you can."

He nodded and walked to the door. Heero paused for a moment, swallowing. "Noin, thank you."

She was shocked for a moment, but quickly smiled. "You're welcome."

Heero continued out the door, squinting a little bit at the sun. "I have to go to the hospital," he murmured to himself, walking down the street. He really had no idea where he was, especially since he had been unconscious while he was being transported to Noin's home, but he quickly found a familiar street.

The hospital still gave Heero a strange feeling... but he had to find Trowa. He walked through the halls, not bothering to talk to the lady at the next. He knew the room all to well at that point. The room was empty, except for Trowa, who seemed to be asleep. "But looks can be deceiving..." Heero muttered remembering how he had thought Trowa was asleep before...

He walked over to the bed, staring at Trowa for a while. He was breathing in and out slowly, his chest rising and falling in a rhythmic pattern. Heero restrained himself this time, not knowing whether or not he was really awake. Placing his hand on the bed, Heero leaned over, peering at him. He suddenly found himself loosing his balance, but not because of him, but because some one was pulling on him.

Trowa's eyes suddenly shot open, and Heero could feel a tight grip on his arm. The grip pushed Heero's hand on the bed, causing him to loose his balance and fall directly onto Trowa. Trowa winced in pain, Heero accidentally rubbing against the wounds from surgery the night before. Heero pushed his neck up, keeping his face only a few inches from Trowa's.

Another hand came from behind Heero and gently pushed his neck down, allowing his lips to meet Trowa's. The things that they no longer held back pushed into the kiss, both of them trying to make the space in between each other as small as possible. Heero pulled back slowly, there faces only centimeters apart. Trowa reached up gently and kissed him softly, playfully biting at Heero's bottom lip.

Heero felt absolutely numb. He slowly lowered his face and hid it next to Trowa's neck. The fears starting to escape him and he wrapped his arms around Trowa tightly. "I thought you were gone."

Trowa smiled and kissed his neck gently. "I couldn't just leave you."

Still holding him tightly, Heero pulled his head from it's spot, staring directly at him. "You didn't live for me. Don't lie to me." Heero's face was solemn, cold almost.

Trowa wiped away the smile and looked seriously back at him. "But I did." He reached his hand up and caressed Heero's cheek. "I'm not going to lie, Heero. I only lived because of what it would have done to you if I died. Plus, I need you."

"Nothing would have happened to me if you died." Heero tried to mask the shaking in his voice with his perfect soldier look, but Trowa could hear right through it. "And I'm useless now. Why would you need me? I can't do anything..."

"Yes you can," Trowa kissed him again, silencing him for a moment. "You can love me, can't you?" He smiled.

"I..." Heero stuttered, his body screaming for another kiss.

"Because, Heero, I really love you." Trowa tried to look serious, but the smile was creeping on his lips. He rubbed his thumb against Heero's cheek, watching his face freeze in disbelief.

"You... love..." Heero started to stutter again, just staring at Trowa. Heero shut his eyes for a moment, letting it all sink in. "I... Trowa... I..." He couldn't think, he couldn't form the words. Instead, he leaned in again, pressing himself into another kiss.

Trowa pulled back, feeling Heero trembling in his arms. "You don't have to say it, Heero." A few tears had fallen down Heero's face, delicately dripping onto Trowa's. "I know what you want to say."


End file.
